The Flyer
One of the most troubling sights I’ve ever seen was in a physical rehab bathroom. Before one of my therapy sessions began, I went into the facility’s restroom. Due to my bulky walker, I chose the larger handicap stall. In the stall, a flyer was taped to the back of the door which advertised a suicide prevention hotline. This flyer offered the pull tabs on the bottom of the sign so patients could take the numbers with them as they ripped them off the flyer. The hotline was not upsetting. The most disturbing sight was that every number had been pulled off that flyer. Every single one of the tabs had been ripped off. Not one number or strip was left on the paper ad. That said loud and clear there were a lot of depressed people walking around.
After witnessing the flyer, I couldn’t help but think of how many downhearted people were in that physical rehab and rehabs across the country. Many individuals are processing the grief of the life they lost with their new disability. Many individuals are looking at their broken dreams their disability has brought. Some individuals are just trying to make it through the day – mentally and physically.
Something clicked upstairs for me. I felt very grateful for the situation I was given. The walker I needed instead of a wheelchair started looking like a big blessing. My physical difficulties melted away when I considered what other individuals deal with on an every day basis. I became grateful for the set of bodily issues and prognosis I acquired. Circumstances and physical issues could definitely be worse for me personally.
Gratitude for my difficult situation opened my eyes to those situations around me. About 1/3 of all people with disabilities suffer from depression. The statistics are even higher for those individuals that suffer traumatic brain injuries, like strokes.
Perspective by a Columnist
I heard once a quote by columnist Regina Brett, “If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.” After I saw the bathroom flyer, I looked around at some of the people in rehab. This was a moment where I felt extremely fortunate for the deficits and disabilities that I sported. They were bad, but it could be so much worse.
When I left the rehab bathroom, I saw an elderly woman very late in life desperately trying to button a sweater with her stiff deformed hands. I saw a young man strenuously trying to walk on his new prosthetic leg while ignoring his pain. I saw another stroke survivor zooming up and down the rehab halls in his electric wheelchair trying to make jokes with his poor speech. I saw a young woman changing out her colostomy bag. My feeding tube didn’t look so bad. There were so many people. There were so many circumstances. So many stories. I was grateful for the situation I was given when I compared myself to others. Things were bad. But they always could be worse. My family reminds me of this often.
My immediate gratitude list is full. I struggle with many physical deficits, but at the end of the day, I am not an elderly woman trying to button up a sweater in rehab. I am not painfully re-learning to walk on my prosthetic leg. I am not wheeling around in my electric wheelchair in rehab looking for fun while not being able to speak. I am not changing out a colostomy bag. Gratitude. Those with disabilities MUST focus on what they do have, not their challenges.
Victim or Survivor?
In your current situation, it is imperative to see yourself as a survivor and not a victim. A friend of mine tells me, I am allowed to feel sorry for myself, but only for 10 minutes while I eat a yummy cupcake or some other sweet treat. After that, the big girl pants go on and then it is time to deal with the situation. It really boils down to this one question. Mentally, how do you perceive your life with disabilities or deficits?
In her book, The Conscience Parent, Shefali Tsabary asks why does a victim whine ‘why?’ when a survivor asks ‘how can I use this struggle for higher evolvement?’ Your situation launches you and your soul to a higher evolvement if you allow it. Gratitude makes this possible. The moment you become thankful for your situation, a piece of acceptance takes root. It is here that you can recognize and feel compassion towards others in more difficult situations.
You may feel very alone. However, feelings don’t make facts true. They are not the reality of a situation. Feelings are just what they are, human emotions. You may feel alone, but remember the flyer. Not one strip was left on the flyer. All those individuals were feeling the same way just apart and separate from each other. Depression is a stage of grief. It is normal for an individual to experience this stage. It is not normal when actions become harmful.
Get your cupcake (or other sweet treat) and feel sorry for yourself for 10 minutes. After that, it is time for the ‘big kid’ pants to go on and deal with the ugly situation at hand. Remember to bring gratitude. Some amount of depression is healthy for your acceptance of your circumstances. There are so many situations that you are not dealing with that others do. If you feel like you have an unhealthy amount of depression, please reach out to me. We are all in this together. You are not alone. That flyer told me that.
I love this!!!